At three years old, your little girl wears whatever you pick out for her.
Fast-forward ten years, and your newly minted teenager begins to curate your contributions to her wardrobe. The frilly pink blouse earns a crinkle in her nose. She'll take the blue skirt…if it wasn't so long.
Growing up comes with growing independence in making choices. And all these choices stem from who your daughter is. For example, an athletic daughter would likely choose a striped cotton t-shirt over a pink chiffon blouse.
This book emphasizes that choices are central to our lives, and to this end, provides a framework for making the right choices.
THE WARDROBE AS A FRAMEWORK FOR CHOICES
Among the questions we ask ourselves everyday, "What should I wear today?" is a staple.
Deciding what to wear is significant not only because it is a daily phenomenon. Its significance also lies in mapping our personal trajectory of identity formation and learning independence.
As we grow older, the degree of autonomy in what we wear is matched by the degree to which we are parented. Four year-olds have their mothers bestow little sailor outfits upon them for an 'Under The Sea' birthday party. But sixteen year-olds are granted the independence to pick out a turquoise empire waist dress for an 'Under The Sea' party, as long as it has their parents' stamp of approval.
What starts out as a decision that rests solely in parents' power is gradually shifted into the hands of growing children as they cultivate their own identity and relationships outside of the family.
With this inevitable process in mind, parenting should focus on facilitating decision-making rather than dictating decisions. While the latter only serves to reinforce the parent's lack of understanding towards the child, the former indicates to the child that decision-making can be a shared process. Shared decision-making allows the parent to learn about the child's emerging identity, and provides room for the child to seek advice from the parent. This boosts communication, and thus, the relationship between the parent and child.
The Wardrobe is analogous to a parenting toolbox. Each garment serves a purpose, and so acts as a tool for effective parenting. The significance of this analogy lies in that failing to provide a complete Parenting Wardrobe will leave the child figuratively naked.
Figurative nakedness has serious implications for your child. Besides facing ridicule and rejection from society, your child will feel immensely self-conscious and by extension, insecure about herself. To put an end to figurative nakedness, your child will seek to be clothed by her peers or parental figures- yet these sources can neither provide a complete wardrobe nor quality garments for your child.
To guard against this, a complete Parenting Wardrobe should comprise the following:
- Hats, which in shielding the head, are therefore symbolic of protecting your child's mind. Through formal education, which imparts logic, cognition, and developing clear arguments, your child's mind is enabled to think independently, and so filter out negative lifestyle choices with mental acumen.
- Tops, which in packaging the body, and being the garment that garners the most attention, represents personal traits. For it is these personal traits that help your child's identity stand out.
- Pants, which as a traditional symbol of patriarchy and power, represent personal power in this context. Personal power means power over oneself through self-leadership, self- authority and self-respect, as opposed to power in reversing traditional gender roles in favor of feminism as the analogy may intuitively suggest.
- Shoes, which pad and protect the feet, aid the pursuit of a journey that may figuratively be laden with sharp objects and rough surfaces.
In this sense, shoes represent spiritual cushioning and protection.
Also, in forming posture, shoes represent a spiritual outlook that determines the confidence with which your child deals with life's curveballs.
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